I tell myself this at least three times a day. It’s been a little while since I decided to go back on medication. Stayed on Xeljanz for 7 weeks with zero improvement.

The only relief I get is taking Celebrex daily. I hate that because I know what NSAIDS do to gut health. But without it I’m not able to function.

My rheumatologist took me off the Xeljanz and we are going on to Orencia injections. Insurance approved it and I got patient assistance to be able to afford it. I certainly don’t have $4,000/ month extra lying around. I can handle $5 though.

I just started going back to the gym and pushing through workouts. Modifying lots, excluding lots, but still going.

I’ve been in such a dark place mentally because of the pain and inability to workout the way I used to. Going and accepting my limitations has been difficult for me. But I’m going.

So the new meds will arrive next week and I plan on doing the injection on Friday in case I have any reactions I’ll have the weekend to deal with it.

I’m hoping it will work and I’ll get my quality of life back. In the meantime I’ll remind myself to just keep going.

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